the art of failure

Geena is 27 years old and works as a Content Marketing Specialist. She resides in San Francisco, CA.

What’s your most indulgent pleasure?

I don't limit myself on food but I do limit myself on quantity. In those cases, it’s usually a sleeve of Thin Mints. -laughs-

What dish feels like home?

My dad is very “white boy” and my mom grew up in Nicaragua. Growing up our food was very multicultural. It would either be Sloppy Joes or fried plantains, queso fresco, sour cream, gallo pinto (cooked rice panfried with black or red beans) and an egg. 

How did you learn how to cook?

When I was young I was either watching The Tyra Banks Show or 30 Minute Meals with Rachel Ray. I also loved Barefoot Contessa and Everyday Italian. I tried to be really healthy when I started to cook for myself. A lot of oatmeal in the morning, which I hate now -laughs-. Lots of salads for lunch and fruit.

What was driving your desire to eat more healthily?

I think it was just body image issues. I was deeply insecure about my body in middle school and high school. Then in college, I stopped thinking about it so much.

It’s interesting to see how women have to navigate their body image while also learning how to nourish themselves.

It’s so rough. I remember growing up my parents never really talked to me about this, except one time my best friend was over for dinner. We had spaghetti and I went for a second helping that was about the same size as my first. My dad was like, “are you going to eat another helping?” He was trying to do it in a way that helped me think about what I was putting on my plate. My best friend started cracking up and I was like “excuse me?”

Then when I got my first job out of college I got IBS from the stress. I was in pain whenever I ate food.  I had gotten over a lot of body image issues and was trying to incorporate healthy foods into my diet. The last few years have been about eating food that doesn’t hurt me. When I’m making healthy choices, I try not to obsess over it, but it’s a constant battle.

There is dark and light. It’s so individual.

There can be lightness and darkness that exists in the same art. It’s about trial and error and finding what works for you. That is the art of failure, being able to try something and learn from it and not ignore or censor yourself to what you think you need or what you think is right. 

For example, you might have some pain and be working through it. We need to be kind to ourselves, though. It’s important to try and find what works for you and do what you can to feel good, but not beat yourself up if you can’t.

What do you think we should be talking about more?

Food media always talks about the incredible ways that we cook food, but the conversation never goes to body image. I realized recently that I have caught myself thinking about food like I used to. On one hand, it’s really exciting for me to be planning all of my meals during quarantine, but when it’s all you think about it can be kind of scary. 

Maybe now it’s time to talk about women’s issues with food. The issues that no one talks about. I think we should be talking to that inner child who probably experienced pain around food. I’m happy that you’re exploring these kinds of things because it’s something that I don’t acknowledge enough. I need to tone it down and be kinder to myself. Maybe if we talk about it more pointedly, then we can start to acknowledge it. 

There’s room to develop a new shared language for this. In the same way that self-care has allowed all of us to point to activities that make us feel whole.

Food is so good but it can bring up a lot of shit for people. As women, we need to talk about how to love food in a constructive way. That could benefit us all.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity and brevity.