a certain point in time

Maddie works as a photographer and resides in Portland, Oregon.

What was the last thing you ate?

English muffins with peanut butter. Classic snack.

What is the last thing you cooked?

I went to the coast of Oregon this weekend and helped cook a crab boil. I don’t usually cook on my own but that was very fun.

What is your favorite junk food?

I’ve been eating a lot of Cheetos. I never really had fast food until quarantine, but there’s this place called Super Deluxe nearby and they have amazing veggie burgers, chicken nuggets, and fries. 

Have you always been a Cheetos lover?

I have. Not the puffs, though, more so the classic or Flaming Hot.

What was food like for you growing up?

I grew up on a farm until I was in sixth grade. We had 20 chickens, llamas, a potbelly pig named Hamlet. He would eat all of the walnuts from our walnut trees. We grew herbs, artichokes, squashes, pumpkins, and had a barn to run around in. My mom always did the cooking, and she cooked what we grew. My dad was kind of worthless when it came to that and would make, like, toast when she was out of town -laughs- 

What has the body-image journey been like for you?

When I was younger and in high school, I was running so much that I was very thin and I was also a picky eater. People would question whether I had an eating disorder. That pushed me to eat more foods to show that I didn’t have one. I’d eat like crazy and would still be so thin. In college, I had in my mind that I needed to eat a lot and fuel up to run, even though I wasn’t running as much. I had to train myself to not eat 5 eggs in the morning if I wasn’t working out -laughs-.

Growing up, I still remember my running coach saying, “Your hips are going to come in any day now. Once you get your hips you’re going to have to relearn how to run. You might slow down” It was this weird view that once I became a woman I wasn’t going to be very good at running. I had this fear about my body changing and what that could mean for my running career. That memory has stuck with me.

As a kid you’re like, ok, he’s my coach, he’s an adult, I trust him. Then as an adult, you’re like wait, what the fuck? I hope fewer girls are hearing that when their hips come in their life will be ruined -laughs-

How have your eating habits changed during quarantine?

Honestly, before quarantine, I wasn’t cooking very much. I wasn’t motivated to cook for just myself so I would order food or go get food a lot. When quarantine happened I was forced to cook for myself and figure it out. I’ve gone through many waves, from planning a lot and doing really elaborate things to cooking really simple, silly meals like English muffins and eggs for all three meals of the day -laughs- then I’d order food and spend so much money but tell myself it’s fine, I want this restaurant to succeed! I’ve hit all the points. I even did Whole 30 which was a whole different thing to explore. 

What was Whole 30 like and why did you do it?

I have friends who have done it and also felt like I was going a little crazy eating whatever I wanted, drinking a lot, and was in a new relationship. I wanted to have more rules around eating. I would tell myself I wanted to be more healthy and eat well for three days and then I’d eat a bunch of junk food. I knew it would be even harder to do when things opened up again, so thought doing it in quarantine would be easiest. 

At first, it was hard because I thought I had prepared by buying the right groceries. Then I was like what am I going to make with all of this? A friend sent me some recipes and once I had those, I was good to go. I’d go through waves of feeling like I wanted to eat cheese and bread, and then wanting to have a glass of wine.

Did you have any takeaways from the 30 days? For me, it’s easier to say I’m not drinking for January! But it is so much harder to make sustainable changes. 

Yeah, what you’re saying is exactly how I felt. At first, I kind of yo-yoed back into my old habits. I wanted Italian food so I went hard on that -laughs- Now that it’s been a little over a month not on Whole 30, I’ve started to incorporate foods that I had been eating while on it. I have more recipes at my fingertips, too. I have a better thought process when it comes to what’s in the food I’m eating and I realize I have more control over that when I eat at home. Which is obvious but something that I learned.

It’s not obvious! It’s really hard to figure out how to eat when we’re bombarded with non-food health tonics and tinctures and look at this cheese pull! -laughs-

It’s hard to find that balance between super decadent and healthy eating. Whole 30 was an answer for me at a certain point in time, but I’m still trying to figure things out. Quarantine has made me think of my eating habits so much more. I have a different routine, more time, and more time to think about how I’m spending my time. When quarantine hit I wasn’t able to eat dinner with my family, who live nearby. I didn’t realize how much I missed that until recently, and my mom was like I did cook for you all the time, glad you appreciate it! So that was a cute moment. 

Through palette, I’m trying to capture people’s true essence - their flow state when it comes to food. How do you capture people’s true essence as a photographer?

I always make sure that people have all of the information about the shoot and what they’re going to be wearing so there aren’t any surprises. Being genuinely excited about the project, and making sure that they feel good is the main focus of my work. I want them to see the photos and say “I love how I look!” The first photos might be stiffer but then I see the confidence and fun come out. The best photos are when people are excited you can see that energy coming from them.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity and brevity.